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"Why I Got
Sober On 1/30/99

 Hi my name is DonnaS. and I am an Alcoholic/Addict,

 I got Sober on 1/30/99 as I was sick and tired of being so sick and tired!. 
I didn't want to live, but I no longer wanted to die.
I had first come into the rooms of AA  in  1987 , but I came in for all the wrong reasons. 
I was going to lose my 2 sons so I went to a rehab and went to meetings but..
I didn't  want  what you people had. I had reservations and ended up going back to drugs
 at first thinking it was ok, as I was an Alcoholic not a druggie, little did I know soon I was drinking.
 In that time I was out there I overdosed 2 times, but I still was not ready to surrender 
to this disease, it took me many years before I finally had enough.
In those years I ran with anything I could, to get out of me,
 to not FEEL, ANYTHING, to be totally numb!! The problem was  the drugs and alcohol 
and other things  stopped working. (SI, which I also use the 12 steps to help me, I am 5 years clean of that,
 but knows I am only 1 cut away if I choose to take my will back) 
  My life was going no where, my family stopped fighting me to get help
 and looked the other way... I knew of a friend who was in Recovery for years
 and he tried a few times to help me, but I didn't want it at the time. 
I was so depressed, I was not working, and I had finally hit my bottom. 
On 1/12/99 my 40th birthday, I lay on the couch in the dark, feeling totally hopeless,
 wanting all the hurt, the pain of my life to end, I just didn't know what to do. 
As I lay there this feeling of hope ( a ever so small feeling but enough to get me up )
 ran through me. I got up and called that friend and asked him to take me
 to a meeting, I was ready. LOL he told me if I wanted to go  that he could not take me 
I had to do this for me and to get in car and go. I was  scared to do that alone,
 I was angry he would not help me.
 I sunk back down on the couch and cried and felt alone, and the FEAR was so overwhelming
 that it took me till 1/30/99 to go to my first AA meeting. 
I remember it so clearly, I was shaking and FEAR was riding with me. 
I got to the meeting and circled the building, it took me awhile but I got my butt in the door.
 There were only 5 people there and I almost left, until someone stuck there hand out and said Welcome ,
 those wonderful words, WELCOME! he told me to have a cup of coffee and sit down.
It was a small group, but I sat there and I raised my hand when they asked 
if there was anyone with a burning desire, and I told them I was just coming back 
from a long run and I was finally ready to surrender!. 
I did A 90 and 90 and I got a sponsor and did what was asked, 
I picked up ash trays , I came early stayed late, got a secretary commitment  and I kept coming.

 I want to Thank My HP for helping me be the person I am today. I could not have done this alone. 
I have a wonderful sponsor and a net of people I can talk to when I feel like life is to much.
 I am very Grateful today, to be alive. 
I am now chairing my home group and I go on speaking commitments,
  I speak at a Rehab once a month, and most important
 I  try to help the new comer or anyone who needs it.
 I have a website   that is a big part of my recovery ,
 plus I have a net of people on the internet. ( we are going to an  AA convention in May in Cooksburg PA) I love going to them.

 All I know is if I keep an open mind and TRY to work the steps into my life 
and pray on a daily basis and go to meetings and keep my communications open
 and NOT take my Will back,  Just for Today
 I can stay clean&sober.
Today I have a full plate, BUT I don't have to drink/drug/cut over it. 
I have TOOLS  to work with.

God Bless Peace Out DonnaS (ds9090/ds_avalon)

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